Still Got It
Michael Jordan Continues Setting NBA Records Through Clothing He Wore 28 Years Ago
Jordan adds another record without playing, shooting or doing anything more strenuous than having worn a jersey in 1998.
NBA Fact of the Day
Real NBA history and absurd numbers, with the unnecessary Flagrant Desk addendum attached.
DAILY DESK FORMATOn This Day in NBA History
A real historical moment, then the part the history book left out.
DAILY DESK FORMATStat That Shouldn’t ExistReal numbers that look made up.
DAILY DESK FORMATRandom Box Score of the DayOne night the basketball gods chose somebody unexpected.
Still Got It
Bob Myers Admits Warriors Did Iguodala Wrong, Says Iguodala Was Annoyingly Mature About It
Golden State confronts the rare organizational nightmare of a respected veteran handling a messy exit far too reasonably.
ONE OF THOSE GAMES
Wizards-Pistons Preseason Fight Features Record Number of Players Asking to Be Held Back
A meaningless exhibition briefly becomes the Eastern Conference finals of looking extremely ready to fight while being restrained.
ROSTER CONSTRUCTION
Brandin Podziemski Gets $110 Million, Immediately Becomes Most Expensive Podz in America
Golden State has locked up Podz for five years and approximately the GDP of a small collection of abbreviations.
STATISTICAL ANOMALIES
Alperen Şengün Records Triple-Double in 22 Minutes, Rockets Ask Him to Leave Something for Regular Season
Houston politely asks its All-Star center to stop finishing entire box scores before the fourth quarter exists.
VET DEPARTMENT
24-Year-Old Cade Cunningham Becomes Pistons Elder Statesman, Immediately Starts Complaining About Young Guys
Detroit’s longest-tenured voice has begun referring to several seasons ago as “back in my day.”
THE ARCHIVES
Russell Westbrook Retires, NBA Stat Keepers Finally Allowed to Delete Triple-Double Calculator Shortcut
After 18 seasons, official scorers are reportedly learning how to spend an evening without checking whether somebody has nine rebounds.
STAT LINE DEPARTMENT
Luka Hits Impossible Three, Adds Technical Foul to Complete the Box Score
Luka Dončić scored 23 points in 25 minutes, hit an absurd one-legged three from near half court, then picked up a technical foul to complete the full Luka experience.
STAT LINE DEPARTMENT
Suns Commit 26 Turnovers, Analytics Department Confirms That Is Too Many
Phoenix reportedly needed a full statistical review before concluding the ball should perhaps have been given away less often.
STAT LINE DEPARTMENT
Heat Assure Everyone Klay Thompson’s Scoreless Night Is Part of Larger Spiritual Spacing Plan
Miami insists a preseason zero is just advanced shooting gravity in its purest form.
STATISTICAL ANOMALIES
Jamal Murray Opens Camp Hoping This Is Finally the Year People Remember He Is an All-Star-Caliber Player
Denver begins another season with Nikola Jokić, title expectations and the annual national reminder that Jamal Murray is very good at basketball.
HOOPS GEOGRAPHY
Mavericks, Rockets Travel to Macao, Spend Entire Week Learning NBA Geography Is Technically Global
The upcoming China Games have reminded two Western Conference teams that “road trip” can, in fact, mean another continent.
SUPERSTAR CORNER
Raptors Successfully Restore Kawhi Leonard to Factory Settings
Kawhi returned to Toronto and immediately sat out the preseason opener, confirming the original operating system installed successfully.
ADDED TO THE BAG
Brandin Podziemski Announces He Will Now Communicate Exclusively Through Box Scores
The Warriors guard says he’ll let his play do the talking, forcing reporters to prepare for a season of statistical press conferences.
FREE AGENCY ACTIVITIES
Warriors Give Stephen Curry $116 Million to Continue Being Entire Organizational Plan
Golden State has secured two more years of its long-running strategy of having Stephen Curry and seeing what happens.
Off the Court
Toronto Unveils Kyle Lowry Dinosaur Statue, Finally Gives Raptors Fans Historically Accurate Representation
The city’s newest monument finally answers the question of what a Raptors legend should look like if everyone takes the team name literally.
Weird Box Scores
Center Finishes With 4 Points, 19 Rebounds, 8 Assists And Somehow Controls Entire Game
The box score looks accidental until you notice his team won every minute he stood near the paint.
Replay Review
NBA Replay Center Confirms 14-Minute Review Successfully Determined Call Was Still Kind Of Unclear
Officials examined nine camera angles before reaching the same emotional state as everyone watching live.
Free Throw Merchants
Star Scores 38 Points On Six Made Field Goals, Insists “Buckets Are Buckets”
The stat line included 24 free throws, six field goals, and one extremely productive relationship with the whistle.
Ratioed
Fan Deletes Detailed Statistical Argument After Reply Saying “You Don’t Know Ball” Gets 18,000 Likes
Four charts, nine sources, and 600 words were defeated by a sentence requiring no supporting evidence.