← ROSTER CHAOSROSTER CHAOS

SOURCES SAY

Rumors, unnamed executives and conversations that may or may not have happened somewhere near a phone.

Satirical editorial image of Jalen Duren at a Pistons contract-negotiation table eyeing a huge stack of cash and papers.

SOURCES SAY

SOURCES: Pistons Offer Jalen Duren One-Fifth of a Billion Dollars, Duren Asks What Else They Got

Detroit reportedly placed $200 million on the table. Jalen Duren responded like the table might have a second layer.

Satirical Brooklyn Nets planning session with players surrounding a rebuild whiteboard full of increasingly uncertain steps.

SOURCES SAY

SOURCES: Nets Believe Julius Randle and Michael Porter Jr. Could Accelerate Rebuild to Slightly Faster Rebuild

Brooklyn has reached the exciting stage of the rebuild where everyone agrees to see what happens.

Photorealistic satire of Steph Curry smiling at a press conference beside an enormous stack of blank paperwork.

SOURCES SAY

Sources: Steph Curry’s No-Drama Contract Talks To Be Discussed At Every Media Availability Until Further Notice

The Warriors have prepared a full schedule to explain that nothing is happening with Curry’s extension.

Satirical fictional trade-rumor interest list showing many teams but no actual calls.

SOURCES SAY

NBA Insider Reports 23 Teams Have “Interest” In Player Nobody Has Actually Called About

The market is described as robust, theoretical, and currently free of telephone activity.