SILVER SAYS
Commissioner Unveils Bold Plan To Monetize Remaining Unsponsored 14 Seconds Of Broadcast
The league says the remaining 14 seconds currently contain no sponsor, betting prompt or branded hydration opportunity.
LEAGUE HQ
Rules, money, memos and whatever the league office is explaining today.
SILVER SAYS
Adam Silver Reminds Struggling Franchises That Hope Is Also Technically a Product
Winning is ideal. Until then, the league would like to remind everyone that optimism remains fully monetizable.
THE EXPANSION PACK
NBA Expansion Talks Heat Up, Seattle Fans Already Complaining About Rotation Of Players Who Don’t Exist Yet
Seattle has not received a team, roster or coach yet, but the minutes distribution is already unacceptable.
THE EXPANSION PACK
Timberwolves Hear They Could Move To Eastern Conference, Begin Packing Before NBA Finishes Sentence
Minnesota heard the word East and immediately started labeling boxes before anyone could explain the rest.
SILVER SAYS
Adam Silver Announces NBA Will Test New Rule Where Everyone Just Agrees The Fourth Quarter Was Probably Fine
The league believes a shared commitment to moving on could reduce review time by nearly 100%.
RULES NOBODY ASKED FOR
NBA Introduces 14 New Rules Designed To Clarify Previous 11 Rules Nobody Understood
The updated rulebook is expected to be fully understood shortly before it is replaced again.
FOUL & ORDER
NBA Fines Player $35,000 For Facial Expression League Describes As “Potentially Sarcastic”
Officials determined the look lasted long enough to undermine confidence in league operations.
CASH CONSIDERATIONS
NBA Reassures Fans Gambling Has Not Changed The Game, Presented By Tonight’s Same-Game Parlay
The league delivered the message between two odds updates and a sponsored betting segment.
THE FORMAT LAB
NBA Schedules Clippers-Wizards Game At 2:17 A.M. To Reach Previously Untapped Insomniac Market
League research identified millions of potential viewers currently awake for no good reason.
THE FORMAT LAB
NBA Announces New All-Star Format Players Expected To Learn Approximately 40 Seconds Before Tipoff
The format includes teams, points, captains, targets, and at least one concept still being finalized.