HOOPERS OFF DUTY
Chet Holmgren Says Watch Tells People His Time Is Valuable, Declines to Reveal Current Time
The Thunder big man says watches are no longer for telling time, leaving reporters with one obvious unanswered question.
HOOPERS OFF DUTY
Podcasts, vacations, fashion, hobbies and everything players do once nobody is keeping score.
HOOPERS OFF DUTY
Steven Adams Identifies GTA as Greatest Threat to NBA Productivity Since Load Management
Houston’s veteran center has issued the league’s clearest warning yet about the coming November productivity crisis.
HOOPERS OFF DUTY
Jokić’s Horses Reportedly in Best Shape of Their Lives Ahead of NBA Season
Denver wanted a Nikola Jokić conditioning update. Serbia sent back a scouting report on several extremely prepared horses.
HOOPERS OFF DUTY
Wembanyama Takes Spurs Teammates to France for Offseason Trip, Entire Roster Returns Three Inches Taller
San Antonio’s team-bonding trip was considered a success until several guards started hitting their heads on doorframes.
HOOPERS OFF DUTY
Toronto Unveils Kyle Lowry Dinosaur Statue, Finally Gives Raptors Fans Historically Accurate Representation
The city’s newest monument finally answers the question of what a Raptors legend should look like if everyone takes the team name literally.
HOOPERS OFF DUTY
Knicks Star Jalen Brunson Lands ‘Law & Order’ Role After Apparently Running Out of Things to Win in New York
The Knicks star is expanding his New York résumé into television, because apparently there were still a few blocks in Manhattan left unconquered.
HOOPERS OFF DUTY
Shaquille O’Neal Named Honorary FBI Agent, Immediately Becomes Least Undercover Man in America
The 7-foot-1 NBA legend has added federal agent to a résumé already containing almost every other occupation available.
HOOPERS OFF DUTY
Players Reportedly Resolve Beef Privately Before Both Sides Post Cryptic Instagram Stories About Loyalty
The dispute is over, except for the quotes, song lyrics, emojis, and six-hour internet investigation.
HOOPERS OFF DUTY
NBA Player Spotted Enjoying Normal Afternoon, Fans Demand Explanation For Lack Of Gym Footage
The player was seen eating lunch without a weighted vest, resistance band, or documentary crew.