INGLEWOOD — The Los Angeles Clippers opened their season Wednesday with an emotional 121–96 victory over Sacramento, dedicating the win to Steve Ballmer, a courageous billionaire currently enduring the unimaginable hardship of watching basketball from home.
"That win was for Mr. Ballmer," coach Tyronn Lue declared afterward. "We're still fighting for him."
Ballmer is serving a one-year NBA suspension following salary-cap violations involving Kawhi Leonard. The Clippers were also fined $30 million and stripped of five future first-round picks.
Despite these devastating circumstances, Ballmer reportedly remains alive, extremely wealthy, and in possession of a television.
Darius Garland scored 30 points, Brook Lopez added 17, and the Clippers played with the determination of men honoring a fallen comrade who had unfortunately been ordered to stay away from his own basketball team.
"He's definitely here in spirit," Garland said, confirming that Ballmer's physical absence had not prevented him from being emotionally present in an arena he owns.
According to a fictional team source, the Clippers briefly considered holding a moment of silence before remembering that Ballmer was neither dead nor hospitalized, merely prohibited from attending NBA activities after breaking NBA rules.
The organization is reportedly exploring other ways to honor his sacrifice, including commemorative warmup shirts and a documentary titled *365 Days Without Courtside Seats*.
Meanwhile, Ballmer must confront the reality that billions of dollars cannot purchase immunity from league discipline.
The Clippers insist they will continue fighting for their owner throughout the season.
**Some heroes fight on the battlefield. Others fight from their living rooms, surrounded by billions of dollars, waiting for their NBA suspension to expire.**
