NEW YORK — Anne Hathaway reportedly intended to spend approximately 45 seconds explaining OG Anunoby to Dakota Johnson before accidentally talking herself into an unpaid position in the Knicks video department.
According to witnesses, Johnson asked a simple question about why everyone in New York kept saying “OG” with the seriousness normally reserved for constitutional law. Hathaway then launched into a detailed breakdown covering on-ball defense, corner threes, lineup versatility and the emotional stability that comes from having one normal adult wing on the floor.
“By the time she got to weak-side rotations, nobody felt comfortable interrupting,” one Knicks staffer said. “At one point she was circling actions on a whiteboard and using the phrase ‘screen navigation’ like she had a keycard.”
Sources say Tom Thibodeau became aware of the situation only after hearing somebody in a nearby room calmly explain that Anunoby’s value is best understood through possessions that do not appear in a conventional box score.
Hathaway reportedly continued by showing Johnson several clips and pausing each one just long enough to identify the exact moment OG erased an opposing team’s happiness. Johnson, for her part, is said to have nodded thoughtfully and asked whether all Knicks conversations eventually turn into this.
“Only the healthy ones,” Hathaway allegedly replied.
The Knicks have not officially named Hathaway to the staff, but team employees say she is already operating with the authority of someone who can casually say “he takes the toughest assignment every night” and immediately command the room.
As of Wednesday night, Madison Square Garden had not ruled out giving her a folding chair, a clicker and a title that sounds temporary until the playoffs start.
