CLEVELAND — After bringing James Harden back on a three-year deal to continue alongside Donovan Mitchell, Cavaliers researchers say they have solved the most complicated question facing Cleveland’s offense.
There remains only one basketball.
“It took months of modeling,” said one fictional analyst while pointing toward a holographic court. “At first we thought we could simply introduce a second ball. Unfortunately, league rules remain incredibly restrictive.”
Researchers are now studying advanced concepts including alternating possessions, passing and occasionally allowing Evan Mobley to touch the basketball.
Early simulations suggest Mitchell and Harden can produce enormous offensive numbers provided both players resist the instinct to begin a possession by politely waiting for the other one to stop dribbling.
Coaches remain optimistic that a full training camp will improve chemistry.
The analytics department has already moved on to its next project:
Determining whether postseason disappointment can be measured before April.
