DETROIT — The Pistons reportedly celebrated Ausar Thompson’s new five-year, $155 million extension by gathering the organization for a detailed film presentation explaining exactly why they paid him. Thompson earned All-Defensive First Team honors last season.
The first 47 minutes consisted entirely of Thompson ruining other people’s possessions.
The final eight seconds showed him making a three.
“See?” one fictional executive shouted while immediately replaying it.
Cade Cunningham reportedly spent the meeting nodding approvingly as coaches highlighted Thompson switching onto guards, blocking shots, jumping passing lanes and appearing suddenly from areas of the court where offensive players had specifically hoped he would not appear.
Detroit believes Thompson can become an even more complete player if his offensive game continues developing.
The organization has therefore developed a highly sophisticated improvement plan:
Keep doing all the terrifying defensive stuff, but occasionally make the ball go in.
Scientists describe the concept as promising.
