NEW YORK — NBA referees have reportedly completed their annual preseason training and emerged with a fresh understanding of positioning, replay procedures and the longstanding impossibility of getting everybody in the building to calm down for two seconds.
League sources say this year’s program included updated points of emphasis, communication drills and an extended breakout session titled “No, That Guy Was Not Straight Up Either.”
Veteran officials told reporters the training was productive, though it did not meaningfully reduce expectations that every whistle this season will still be greeted like a personal attack on modern civilization.
“We feel prepared,” one referee said. “We reviewed angles, reviewed footwork and reviewed the exact facial expression coaches make right before asking whether we’ve ever watched basketball before.”
The league also emphasized conflict de-escalation, a subject officials say mostly consists of standing still while 14 different people explain why the other team has been allowed to commit crimes all night.
Several referees reportedly appreciated the reminder that not every scream from the sideline requires a response, especially when that scream is simply the phrase “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” repeated in gradually more creative ways.
Officials remain optimistic the new season can begin on strong footing, provided players, coaches and fans show even a modest willingness to not immediately treat every close call like documentary evidence of corruption.
Early indications suggest that will not be happening.
