LOS ANGELES — NBA statisticians across the country reportedly gathered for an emotional ceremony this week after Russell Westbrook’s retirement finally allowed them to remove the triple-double calculator permanently pinned to their desktops.
For nearly two decades, scorekeepers had been required to keep constant track of whether Westbrook had reached 10 rebounds, 10 assists or both while scoring 38 points at speeds normally associated with emergency evacuation.
“It became muscle memory,” one longtime statistician said. “Nine rebounds? We were already standing.”
Westbrook retires as one of the defining statistical forces of his generation, having transformed the triple-double from a rare achievement into something viewers occasionally noticed during the third quarter.
The league said his retirement will also reduce annual wear on box-score keyboards by approximately 14%.
Players around the NBA praised Westbrook’s intensity, competitiveness and lifelong commitment to treating every defensive rebound as a personal appointment.
League statisticians are expected to enjoy several quiet months before realizing Nikola Jokić still exists.
The triple-double calculator was therefore moved to the recycle bin but not permanently deleted.
