ESPN has successfully completed its annual ranking of the NBA’s best players, once again accomplishing the difficult task of making every fanbase angry for completely different reasons.
The network released its latest NBA player rankings this week, providing basketball fans with something important to discuss during the final days before actual basketball makes these arguments temporarily unnecessary.
Warriors fans immediately discovered Stephen Curry was too low. Sixers fans found LeBron James at No. 18 and added it to the growing list of completely normal things about having LeBron James, Joel Embiid and Paul George on the same basketball team. Mavericks fans noticed Cooper Flagg at No. 23 and somehow found both reasons to celebrate and reasons to be offended.
Anthony Davis at No. 40 and Joel Embiid at No. 41 created an especially productive section of the list, allowing fans to debate talent, health, availability, playoff history and approximately seven years of unrelated arguments simultaneously.
Within minutes, screenshots of individual rankings were circulating without context, which experts confirmed is the natural final stage of all NBA lists.
ESPN denied intentionally arranging the rankings for maximum internet damage, insisting its only goal was to evaluate basketball players objectively.
Unfortunately, nobody believed this because they had already seen where their guy was ranked.
The release was ultimately considered another successful year for the project. Every player was overrated, every player was underrated, several players were somehow both, and thousands of people publicly announced that they no longer respect ESPN’s rankings while continuing to inspect every single one.
The NBA season can now officially begin.
