NBA Media Day officially returned this week, marking the beginning of the league’s annual tradition of 450 players simultaneously arriving in the best shape of their lives.
Across the league, players reported adding muscle, losing weight, improving their jump shots, becoming more vocal leaders and discovering previously unknown levels of maturity during approximately three months away from competitive basketball.
“He’s never looked better,” one coach said of a player who looked almost exactly the same. “His body is different. His mindset is different. Everything is different.”
Several veterans reportedly arrived 12 pounds lighter, while several younger players arrived 12 pounds heavier, allowing teams to confirm that everyone had gained precisely the correct amount of weight.
Players also announced plans to shoot more efficiently, defend harder, move the ball and “do whatever it takes to win,” goals that sources confirmed have never previously been attempted during an NBA season.
The optimism is expected to continue through training camp and preseason.
League officials anticipate the first “players-only meeting” sometime in November.
