BROOKLYN — Sixers fans received their first full cardiovascular examination of the preseason Thursday night after Joel Embiid hit the floor in a scary collision involving Jaylen Brown’s leg, causing an entire metropolitan area to immediately assume the season had ended.
For approximately three seconds, Philadelphia fans reportedly experienced every stage of grief, checked the next NBA Draft class and began googling whether a knee can be replaced preemptively.
Then Embiid got up.
Witnesses described the development as “the greatest medical breakthrough since antibiotics.”
The scare allowed Sixers supporters to slowly emerge from underneath tables and cancel several emergency group chats that had already reached the bargaining phase.
“I saw Joel on the floor and immediately aged from 38 to 45,” one fan said. “My son was in kindergarten when the play started. He has a mortgage now.”
Team doctors confirmed Embiid was fine, although Philadelphia is expected to list approximately 1.6 million fans as day-to-day with elevated blood pressure.
The moment came in a preseason game, meaning the Sixers successfully completed their annual tradition of turning meaningless October basketball into a citywide medical emergency.
Brooklyn eventually won 114-108.
Sixers fans confirmed they did not care. Joel Embiid stood up. That was the win.
