Player File · PHI · #7

Jaylen Brown

Jaylen Brown stories, basketball nonsense and other necessary filings.

$Satirical editorial image of current Boston Celtics players in a team meeting while staff present fraction-number jerseys like 1/2, 3.5, 7 1/4 and 11.5.$

LEAGUE LORE

Celtics Confirm Future Players May Soon Be Required to Wear Fractions

Boston has retired so many numbers that team meetings now reportedly include decimals, fractions and mild panic.

Satirical Philadelphia training-camp scene with LeBron James, Joel Embiid, Jaylen Brown and Tyrese Maxey each handling exactly one basketball.

FILM ROOM SCIENCE

Sixers Begin Training Camp, Introduce Revolutionary Four-Ball Offense

Philadelphia has finally solved the problem of getting LeBron, Embiid, Jaylen Brown and Maxey enough touches: simply use four basketballs.

Satirical editorial image of Jayson Tatum carrying exactly six basketballs during a Boston practice while coaches look on.

SUPERSTAR CORNER

Celtics Ask Jayson Tatum to Carry Slightly More After Jaylen Brown Trade, Hand Him Six Basketballs

Boston insists Tatum’s job is basically unchanged, provided he can score, create, rebound and carry several objects at once.

Satirical realistic image of Jaylen Brown-like basketball star practicing fencing in an Italian courtyard with basketball gear nearby.

ADDED TO THE BAG

Jaylen Brown Takes Up Fencing in Italy After Realizing Sharing the Ball With LeBron and Embiid May Require Combat Training

Philadelphia's new star is preparing for advanced possession negotiations with footwork, reaction drills and a foil.