**PHILADELPHIA —** Jaylen Brown made Harry Potter history this week by becoming the first person to explain the Harry Potter universe to Harry Potter himself.
During an appearance on *The Young Man and the Three* podcast alongside Daniel Radcliffe, the Philadelphia 76ers star proudly announced his Hogwarts allegiance.
"I'm Slytherin, bro."
Brown then proceeded to explain the fundamental differences between Harry Potter and Voldemort to Radcliffe, an actor who spent approximately a decade portraying Harry Potter across eight films.
According to fictional witnesses, Radcliffe listened politely while discovering that the fictional universe responsible for his entire childhood career apparently contained several characters he should know about.
Brown wasn't finished.
The NBA champion launched into a philosophical defense of Slytherin, explaining that darkness isn't necessarily evil because plants grow in soil, humans need sleep, and stars become visible at night.
Radcliffe reportedly considered mentioning that he had personally defeated Voldemort on multiple occasions but decided to let Brown finish his presentation.
The Sixers forward then began sorting NBA personalities into Hogwarts houses.
LeBron James and Tyrese Maxey were assigned to Gryffindor. VJ Edgecombe landed in Ravenclaw. Former teammate Jayson Tatum was placed in Hufflepuff, presumably because Hogwarts had no official house for unresolved interpersonal tension.
Celtics coach Joe Mazzulla joined Brown in Slytherin, a selection that reportedly required absolutely no explanation.
By the end of the discussion, Brown had successfully combined basketball analysis, literary criticism, and a philosophical defense of darkness into a conversation with the one person least likely to require an introduction to Hogwarts.
**At press time, Brown was reportedly preparing to explain the concept of basketball to Michael Jordan.**
