**INGLEWOOD** — The Los Angeles Clippers confirmed Wednesday that their 2026–27 season has already been a success after winning their opening game against Sacramento on October 21, apparently fulfilling the organization's entire annual basketball objective.
The Clippers defeated the Kings 121–96 that night, demonstrating everything required to win an NBA game before deciding there was little reason to repeat the exercise.
Seven consecutive losses later, Los Angeles sits at 1–7.
According to an entirely fictional internal memo, the organization established three goals for the season: attend opening night, defeat Sacramento, and avoid unnecessary additional accomplishments.
All three have been completed.
Wednesday's 117–116 overtime loss to Miami provided further evidence of the Clippers' commitment to maintaining reasonable expectations.
Los Angeles built a 20-point lead, watched it disappear, and eventually allowed Klay Thompson to hit the winning three-pointer with one second remaining.
The Clippers even led 116–112 with 79 seconds left in overtime, briefly threatening to win a second game before successfully correcting course.
Darius Garland scored 26 points, continuing the team's unfortunate habit of occasionally playing well enough to create unrealistic expectations.
The organization has reportedly reassured concerned supporters that nobody should confuse the opening-night victory with the beginning of a winning culture.
Players will continue attending games, wearing uniforms, and fulfilling all contractual obligations, but additional victories are considered optional.
At 1–7, the Clippers remain proud of what they accomplished on October 21.
Management is reportedly evaluating whether another win is necessary before the 2027–28 season.
