CLEVELAND — As the second Cleveland Cavaliers fan stepped up to attempt a $10,000 half-court shot Friday night, nearly everyone inside Rocket Arena was cheering him on.
Nearly everyone.
“Please miss,” whispered an entirely fictional arena accountant, watching another five-figure expense prepare to leave his department.
The first contestant had already stunned the crowd by sinking a shot from half court, winning $10,000 and triggering what witnesses described as an unusually aggressive opening of Microsoft Excel.
Surely, the second fan would miss.
He did not.
The ball went through the basket, another $10,000 disappeared from the promotional budget, and the accountant reportedly began calculating how many future T-shirt giveaways would need to be canceled.
Two attempts. Two makes. Twenty thousand dollars.
The Cavaliers had designed the promotion around the reasonable assumption that ordinary spectators would struggle to make shots NBA professionals routinely miss.
Instead, Cleveland had accidentally invited two highly efficient financial liabilities onto its basketball court.
According to fictional internal documents, the organization is now considering several adjustments, including blindfolded contestants, moving the shooting line into the parking garage, and replacing cash prizes with complimentary parking validation.
Meanwhile, the Cavaliers defeated Philadelphia 119–95, although the result provided little comfort to the accounting department.
Donovan Mitchell scored 23 points, but neither his performance nor the victory could reverse the evening's unexpected expenditure.
At press time, the team was reportedly reviewing whether the second basket could be overturned for offensive goaltending.
The accountant had already submitted the paperwork.
