Luka Dončić scored 23 points in 25 minutes, hit an absurd one-legged three from near half court, then picked up a technical foul to complete the full Luka experience.

Satirical editorial image presenting Victor Wembanyama, Luka Doncic, Anthony Edwards, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and Nikola Jokic as competing face-of-the-league candidates.

SUPERSTAR CORNER

NBA Begins Search For Next Face Of League, Discovers Fans Hate Every Candidate For Different Reason

The league has several obvious superstar candidates and approximately one objection for every basketball fan online.

Satirical Lakers front-office meeting with Luka Dončić gesturing across a desk as Rob Pelinka closes a laptop.

ROSTER CONSTRUCTION

Luka Dončić Tells Rob Pelinka ‘Do Your Job,’ Pelinka Immediately Closes ESPN Trade Machine

Luka made one thing clear: he does not want to be the GM. Rob Pelinka has reluctantly returned to being the GM.

Satirical editorial image of JJ Redick leading a fantasy-style Lakers strategy huddle with current Lakers players only, including newer additions.

FILM ROOM SCIENCE

JJ Redick Introduces Fellowship-Based Offense, Says Nobody Wins Championship Alone Except Maybe Gandalf

The Lakers coach is reportedly using a Tolkien-adjacent strategy board to explain how Luka and company must survive the quest together.

Satirical editorial image of Luka Dončić in his signature stepback pose wearing Lakers practice gear in the Lakers practice facility while a current Lakers defender is launched into next season.

BASKETBALL PHYSICSFICTION

Luka’s New Stepback Sends Defender Into Next Season

League officials are reviewing whether creating three months of separation should still count as a normal basketball move.